If you don't like personal rants please don't read this...
I need to get this off my chest and I don't have all that much of other places to do it...
... so, i have this drag down, screaming fight with my mother. About my inability to get a job. and how i am messing up their lives. Also i am doing it on purpose because i am a lazy bitch and i am too fat to get a job. So i tell her maybe i should get my stuff and live on the street and prostitute myself and all i get is "don't take to long packing your stuff"
and my brother gets more money to study for more IT courses... after he put them in a crap load of debt for not finishing his Bsc. at university..
To clarify: I have a Hons BA in Industrial Psychology and 7 Years experience in Human Resources. Unfortunately my experience is fairly specific and big companies are my best bet. But Big Companies have to apply AA rules more stringently due to our government and there i am shit out of luck because i am white. I know this because i used to work in a big company and i know how the cookie crumbles. No matter if i am best qualified to do the job. That leaves smaller companies. Which i cannot get into because i am not a HR generalist (i don't have Payroll experience). I have tried applying for other positions like Secretaries and PA... but they take one look at my qualifications and tell me i am over qualified and they can't pay my salary not matter if i tell them i don't mind for a lower salary. I have applied for waitressing jobs... same thing.
I have applied for positions overseas and South Africa. I have made a few inquiries on these and the consensus is that the relocation costs for me is too much. Because i live where i do.
I am 31. I have no friends except for a few online ones here on DA and elsewhere. I am single. I don't have any prospects of changing the mess that is my life soon. I diagnosed Bipolar II and my self confidence is so low you can't even see it with a goddamn electron microscope... i am supposed to be on meds but cannot afford them.
i have no idea what to do anymore...other than taking the big punch out. And before anyone tells me that's not an option. Yes i know that. what you leave behind is much more crap and problems. I know because i had family members that committed suicide.Yes i know its the depression talking. Doesn't change how i feel though. And please don't tell me to get out and meet people...because i can't. I just don't have it in me anymore.
Yes this is a very attentionwhorish kinda journal. sue me.